I couldn't cry, I just didn't have any emotion or feelings towards what had just happened. I was scared that if I did start to feel all the emotions, that I would go into that emotional bad state. I was scared that if I did go there, I wouldn't be able to bring myself out of it.Read More
I now know what its like to grieve for not only myself, but for you, for all that you will miss out on and for the child that we created. For he will never get to experience you. The only image of you that Zion will ever have, is the one that we create. It will be a beautiful one, but still not as good as the real thingRead More
I wasn't really sure how to interpret the way I felt when he passed. It was sort of a surreal feeling I didn't want to believe it. Sort of wanted to blink my eyes shake my head and realise it was all just my imagination. The grief at first was the biggest hurdle for me to climb. I was really naive to the real and raw kind of emotion that came.Read More
Oh hey everyone this is my NUMBER 1. It’s how Buba introduced me to all of his other peeps.
So...when my life came to a profound feeling of complete numbness, my heart stopped for a second, his...forever.
My world when he left was so awful.Read More
I felt shocked and angry. I was angry for like 5 minutes because we just came back from my cousins 21st birthday in Auckland. But then I just had to be strong for Mum and Dad and everyone.Read More
The days that had followed after the time that Flaun had died were like a whirl of confusion, and like, dis-belief of what had just happened. We went from celebrating a 21st birthday, meeting and spending time with people we loved, to coming home and the next day, we had to arrange a tangi...3 days of many people coming and going, time where we all had to wrap our heads around everything.Read More
What’s the definition of coping? Years of heartbreak and sleepless nights? Lost thoughts with unanswered questions? Constant aches and pains for absolutely no reason at all? Endless tears but a dried up face? Or maybe it’s being followed by the aroma of embalming cream and continuous reminders like "I'm sorry for your loss", one thing's for sure, it's none of the above according to the English dictionary. So I guess you could say I couldn't cope and I guess I still can't.Read More
My brother's passing fucked my life up even more so than it already was. People told me that my pain will subside over time....Bullshit!! They said he will be with me forever....Bullshit!! That he’s in a better place now.... Bullshit!!Read More
The death of my baby was the most devastating thing I have ever gone through. It has taken me nearly three years to come out of the darkness that is Kahupo and start seeing the light of toiora.Read More
It is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all, as the quote goes. This is the biggest load of rubbish ever. Brook took his own life and the pain of losing him does not get any easier with time. I can only imagine what pain he was suffering and why he thought that the best way forward for him was to end his life. I miss him every hour of every day.Read More
Everything was a haze. I knew he was dead...and I couldn’t breathe...Read More
Losing my beloved grandson to suicide was one of the most traumatic and devastating moments in my life. When my wife died of Alzheimer’s I was prepared for her death. All my family is very important to me and to lose my grandson in such circumstances was devastating and I still cannot understand the full implications of why?Read More
Kingston is my grandson. Like all nanas, I knew he was special. He was a gentle loving little boy who felt things deeply. He loved his family, his friends and pets. I have a book with all the cute and funny things he used to say. He stayed with me often and said one day, “You don't have to worry if you go blind Nana, you won’t need a guide dog, cos you will have me!”Read More