16th December 2002 I found my husband hanging from the rafters in our garage that morning and life as I knew had vanished. He left behind me his wife , a son a mother and many more whanau. It is now 16 years later and my life that i had to start again has had many changes I swore to myself I would never love again just didn’t want to experience pain in losing them. But love found its way into my heart again n 3 months later we were pregnant then a year later married also followed by another son. My son from my 1st marriage loves this man an asked if he could call him dad wooosh. Life will always have its ups and downs I understand that. Its just so scary hard no hope give up learn to wear masks show people what i think they want to hear and see and to this day I still do this because time they say is a healer I am not a believer we just learn to cope better. I have from that day now suffer panic attacks anxiety over the years i just learnt to have tools for me to be aware if 1 is coming on they have minds of their own 1 could be mild another no warning intense but this is my story and I believe when we suffer a loss of a loved one through suicide we all have our own journey just all on the same path of uncertainty.

paulawjones .