The days that had followed after the time that Flaun had died were like a whirl of confusion, and like, dis-belief of what had just happened. We went from celebrating a 21st birthday, meeting and spending time with people we loved, to coming home and the next day, we had to arrange a tangi...3 days of many people coming and going, time where we all had to wrap our heads around everything.
For me there were days where Langi would be playing on his game and I would just sit on his lap and sob cos I was feeling something that I had never felt before. Times were rough, I would look at him and ask why is he’s not upset? Why was he not feeling what I was feeling? But for him it was like, it’s done...there is nothing that I can do so I just move on.
Like? I was shocked with what he had to say and that he didn't have a heart, but that was just him and that is just him. Flaun was his full blooded brother. He was my brother in-law for only 4 years and I still couldn't cope with all of this.
Flaun was many things, he was my brother in-law, he was everything in my daughter's eyes, he had a way of doing things where some people couldn't handle, but others could. He connected us with people that have become our whanau.
It’s been just about 3 years on the 2nd September that Flaun has been gone. I have moved past how I was feeling back then, it had taken so much of my emotional everything. Mentally I feel better; there was a point in my life that I just had to do me and my family.
2017 is the year that I decided that I was going to put that all behind me and move on...it was a time for me to focus on my daughter, focus on my babe (Langi) and that's what I have done. Today, my life emotionally has been changed in a good way, I still think about him at times but I choose to not think about all the deep, deep stuff.