D Paul Dye

People often wonder why we “care so much”, “post so much”, “want change so much” - because they aren’t touched by the devastation that suicide causes in their own lives. We hope that they never feel our pain, never know suicide. That’s our why. It’s also because of this story, and the other story every 40 seconds.

It is because we would never wish on anyone to have to endure the pain and ache that we have as a family and so many others that are a part of "our club" have to now live with.

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Fatherpaulawjones .
Kerri

He had just started a building apprenticeship with a friend of ours and his girlfriend of 6 month broke up with him 3 days before his death. He was my world. He was funny, caring, kind, handsome as, generous and my only son. I raised him as a single parent from 5 years old and he was an amazing big brother to my 7 yr old foster daughter. I am devastated by his death and nothing feels ok anymore.

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Motherpaulawjones .
Conny

This was the start of a very painful journey where we tried all we could to help Shaun but less than two months later he took his own life.  Shaun was an amazing young man, he was so loved, he had an amazing future ahead of himself,

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Motherpaulawjones .
PaulaM.

My daughter was bullied at school and it lead to Cyber bullying. They were relentless. The symptom from that for her was anxiety and her self worth plummeted

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Motherpaulawjones .
Jenna Bloor

There was no signs, no 'typical' suicidal things,no mental health issues, no arguments with people, no note. unfortunately we'll never have the answers we want.

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Siblingpaulawjones .
JB

The impact of that is something I will never forget, for many days afterwards I slept at night with the lights on.  It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my 50 years of living on this earth.

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Siblingpaulawjones .
Amy Leigh

 I feel incredibly isolated. I’m looking to connect with others who have experienced this kind of loss as I feel very alone with this in spite of the overwhelming support of my own loved ones.

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Partnerpaulawjones .
Senior Suicide survivor

The non-linear journey of grief took me on a on a path of counsellors a home I felt didn't understand. Due to this I am now in my fourth year of my social work degree and am planning to do my master's in counseling.

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Partnerpaulawjones .
Tracy Lee

 I found it really difficult to find any support and understanding of such devastating grief, but soon realised that the best healing is connecting with other suicide bereaved and helping them via peer support. I started “The Ugly Shoes Club” on Facebook and then the “Suicide Bereaved Network NZ”.

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Motherpaulawjones .
Keely

I lost my only brother, my first friend, the one that should have been around to help me deal with our mum's death. You know one day your parents wont be here any longer but you expect a sibling to be around a bit longer than 45 years. I miss my brother deeply but can understand his reasons. 

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Siblingpaulawjones .
Karli

 He was a true comedian and had the biggest heart. Life will never ever be the same. I was 6 months pregnant so didn't allow myself to grieve for the first year or so and now it has been 18 months it's really starting to hit.

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Siblingpaulawjones .
Leesa

He left behind me his wife , a son a mother and many more whanau. It is now 16 years later and my life that i had to start again has had many changes I swore to myself I would never love again just didnt want to experience pain in losing them. 

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paulawjones .
Tianna

I moved out of my house because there were to many memories and we were only there for a short time. It’s hard some days are harder then others but I’ve come to grips with the fact that he is never coming back. I think about his mummy , his daddy and also his brothers I think about his whole family. I hope they’re ok it’s just hard to see them without him.

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Siblingpaulawjones .
Mama Hen

I miss you everyday son, and I’m still crying on the inside
Trying to move us forward and retain some sense of pride
I feel like i have let you down because of what you have done
But I’m pissed off and angry and I’m not the only one

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Motherpaulawjones .
Carla

I’ll never believe he’s in a better place. The best place is here with his family who love and miss him. I’ll never understand why life is so unfair, why bad things happen to good people. I wonder how his life would have turned out. I think of him often and smile. He’ll just pop into my head...but always as the adorable little man with the big glasses and infectious smile.

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AuntyClea Pettit
Simon

I swim in guilt, it varies for all people left behind that I have talked to. I struggle to live with it and have very little time or interest in “small” issues in life. I confuse anger with sadness and sadness dressed as anger. Take five when you feel the panic coming, if you catch it! External viewing of myself helps me here, sometimes shit happens; you do not have to explain yourself all the time. Your friends learn to spot the seeping sadness...

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FatherClea Pettit
Tuhoe

I know it's hard to comprehend but I can say that time will definitely help! But the thing that helped me the most was accepting what had happened. Giving myself time to digest and really embrace what had happened, and letting go. Because when I had found that I had accepted that this person was taken, all of the good memories I remembered of this person started flooding my mind and drowning out the last images of them.

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CousinClea Pettit
Jesse

My heart dropped when he told me the news. A shock to the system, a, no this isn't real, but it has to be real. I couldn't feel emotion for about 5 minutes. I went to my car, closed the door pumped the music and balled my eyes out. Music is a massive governing factor for my emotions. It can make or break me, cheer me and tear me down.

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CousinClea Pettit