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Everybody experiences the loss of a loved one to suicide differently. Emotions can range from shock, excruciating pain to numbness, anger and even resignation. Read the words of others who have experienced suicide loss and are navigating the grief journey.

 
  • Aunty
  • Cousin
  • Father
  • Grandparent
  • Mother
  • Partner
  • Sibling
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Featured
Father
D Paul Dye
Father

People often wonder why we “care so much”, “post so much”, “want change so much” - because they aren’t touched by the devastation that suicide causes in their own lives. We hope that they never feel our pain, never know suicide. That’s our why. It’s also because of this story, and the other story every 40 seconds.

It is because we would never wish on anyone to have to endure the pain and ache that we have as a family and so many others that are a part of "our club" have to now live with.

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Father
Partner
Rhi
Partner

I lost my husband/partner of 17 years just over 2 weeks ago.  I am broken.

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Partner
Mother
Kerri
Mother

He had just started a building apprenticeship with a friend of ours and his girlfriend of 6 month broke up with him 3 days before his death. He was my world. He was funny, caring, kind, handsome as, generous and my only son. I raised him as a single parent from 5 years old and he was an amazing big brother to my 7 yr old foster daughter. I am devastated by his death and nothing feels ok anymore.

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Mother
Mother
Conny
Mother

This was the start of a very painful journey where we tried all we could to help Shaun but less than two months later he took his own life.  Shaun was an amazing young man, he was so loved, he had an amazing future ahead of himself,

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Mother
Mother
PaulaM.
Mother

My daughter was bullied at school and it lead to Cyber bullying. They were relentless. The symptom from that for her was anxiety and her self worth plummeted

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Mother
Sibling
Jenna Bloor
Sibling

There was no signs, no 'typical' suicidal things,no mental health issues, no arguments with people, no note. unfortunately we'll never have the answers we want.

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Sibling
Mother
Trinaz
Mother

He lived in a different state and sent me a text the morning he did it saying goodbye

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Mother
Sibling
JB
Sibling

The impact of that is something I will never forget, for many days afterwards I slept at night with the lights on.  It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my 50 years of living on this earth.

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Sibling
Partner
Amy Leigh
Partner

 I feel incredibly isolated. I’m looking to connect with others who have experienced this kind of loss as I feel very alone with this in spite of the overwhelming support of my own loved ones.

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Partner
Partner
Senior Suicide survivor
Partner

The non-linear journey of grief took me on a on a path of counsellors a home I felt didn't understand. Due to this I am now in my fourth year of my social work degree and am planning to do my master's in counseling.

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Partner
Mother
Tracy Lee
Mother

 I found it really difficult to find any support and understanding of such devastating grief, but soon realised that the best healing is connecting with other suicide bereaved and helping them via peer support. I started “The Ugly Shoes Club” on Facebook and then the “Suicide Bereaved Network NZ”.

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Mother
Sibling
Keely
Sibling

I lost my only brother, my first friend, the one that should have been around to help me deal with our mum's death. You know one day your parents wont be here any longer but you expect a sibling to be around a bit longer than 45 years. I miss my brother deeply but can understand his reasons. 

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Sibling
Sibling
Karli
Sibling

 He was a true comedian and had the biggest heart. Life will never ever be the same. I was 6 months pregnant so didn't allow myself to grieve for the first year or so and now it has been 18 months it's really starting to hit.

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Sibling
Leesa

He left behind me his wife , a son a mother and many more whanau. It is now 16 years later and my life that i had to start again has had many changes I swore to myself I would never love again just didnt want to experience pain in losing them. 

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Sibling
Tianna
Sibling

I moved out of my house because there were to many memories and we were only there for a short time. It’s hard some days are harder then others but I’ve come to grips with the fact that he is never coming back. I think about his mummy , his daddy and also his brothers I think about his whole family. I hope they’re ok it’s just hard to see them without him.

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Sibling
Mother
Mama Hen
Mother

I miss you everyday son, and I’m still crying on the inside
Trying to move us forward and retain some sense of pride
I feel like i have let you down because of what you have done
But I’m pissed off and angry and I’m not the only one

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Mother
Aunty
Carla
Aunty

I’ll never believe he’s in a better place. The best place is here with his family who love and miss him. I’ll never understand why life is so unfair, why bad things happen to good people. I wonder how his life would have turned out. I think of him often and smile. He’ll just pop into my head...but always as the adorable little man with the big glasses and infectious smile.

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Aunty
Father
Simon
Father

I swim in guilt, it varies for all people left behind that I have talked to. I struggle to live with it and have very little time or interest in “small” issues in life. I confuse anger with sadness and sadness dressed as anger. Take five when you feel the panic coming, if you catch it! External viewing of myself helps me here, sometimes shit happens; you do not have to explain yourself all the time. Your friends learn to spot the seeping sadness...

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Father
Cousin
Tuhoe
Cousin

I know it's hard to comprehend but I can say that time will definitely help! But the thing that helped me the most was accepting what had happened. Giving myself time to digest and really embrace what had happened, and letting go. Because when I had found that I had accepted that this person was taken, all of the good memories I remembered of this person started flooding my mind and drowning out the last images of them.

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Cousin
Cousin
Jesse
Cousin

My heart dropped when he told me the news. A shock to the system, a, no this isn't real, but it has to be real. I couldn't feel emotion for about 5 minutes. I went to my car, closed the door pumped the music and balled my eyes out. Music is a massive governing factor for my emotions. It can make or break me, cheer me and tear me down.

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Cousin
Cousin
Klaire
Cousin

I couldn't cry, I just didn't have any emotion or feelings towards what had just happened. I was scared that if I did start to feel all the emotions, that I would go into that emotional bad state. I was scared that if I did go there, I wouldn't be able to bring myself out of it.

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Cousin
Partner
Aroha
Partner

I now know what its like to grieve for not only myself, but for you, for all that you will miss out on and for the child that we created. For he will never get to experience you. The only image of you that Zion will ever have, is the one that we create. It will be a beautiful one, but still not as good as the real thing

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Partner
Cousin
John
Cousin

I wasn't really sure how to interpret the way I felt when he passed. It was sort of a surreal feeling I didn't want to believe it. Sort of wanted to blink my eyes shake my head and realise it was all just my imagination. The grief at first was the biggest hurdle for me to climb. I was really naive to the real and raw kind of emotion that came.

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Cousin
Cousin
Hayley
Cousin

Oh hey everyone this is my NUMBER 1. It’s how Buba introduced me to all of his other peeps.

So...when my life came to a profound feeling of complete numbness, my heart stopped for a second, his...forever.

My world when he left was so awful.

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Cousin
Sibling
Langi
Sibling

I felt shocked and angry. I was angry for like 5 minutes because we just came back from my cousins 21st birthday in Auckland. But then I just had to be strong for Mum and Dad and everyone.

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Sibling
Sibling
Awhi
Sibling

The days that had followed after the time that Flaun had died were like a whirl of confusion, and like, dis-belief of what had just happened. We went from celebrating a 21st birthday, meeting and spending time with people we loved, to coming home and the next day, we had to arrange a tangi...3 days of many people coming and going, time where we all had to wrap our heads around everything.

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Sibling
Sibling
Ebony
Sibling

What’s the definition of coping? Years of heartbreak and sleepless nights? Lost thoughts with unanswered questions? Constant aches and pains for absolutely no reason at all? Endless tears but a dried up face? Or maybe it’s being followed by the aroma of embalming cream and continuous reminders like "I'm sorry for your loss", one thing's for sure, it's none of the above according to the English dictionary. So I guess you could say I couldn't cope and I guess I still can't.

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Sibling
Sibling
Pure R.
Sibling

My brother's passing fucked my life up even more so than it already was. People told me that my pain will subside over time....Bullshit!! They said he will be with me forever....Bullshit!! That he’s in a better place now.... Bullshit!!

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Sibling
Mother
Turi
Mother

The death of my baby was the most devastating thing I have ever gone through. It has taken me nearly three years to come out of the darkness that is Kahupo and start seeing the light of toiora.

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Mother
Mother
Mel
Mother

It is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all, as the quote goes. This is the biggest load of rubbish ever. Brook took his own life and the pain of losing him does not get any easier with time. I can only imagine what pain he was suffering and why he thought that the best way forward for him was to end his life. I miss him every hour of every day.

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Mother

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