People often wonder why we “care so much”, “post so much”, “want change so much” - because they aren’t touched by the devastation that suicide causes in their own lives. We hope that they never feel our pain, never know suicide. That’s our why. It’s also because of this story, and the other story every 40 seconds.

It is because we would never wish on anyone to have to endure the pain and ache that we have as a family and so many others that are a part of "our club" have to now live with.

I lost my husband/partner of 17 years just over 2 weeks ago.  I am broken.

He had just started a building apprenticeship with a friend of ours and his girlfriend of 6 month broke up with him 3 days before his death. He was my world. He was funny, caring, kind, handsome as, generous and my only son. I raised him as a single parent from 5 years old and he was an amazing big brother to my 7 yr old foster daughter. I am devastated by his death and nothing feels ok anymore.

This was the start of a very painful journey where we tried all we could to help Shaun but less than two months later he took his own life.  Shaun was an amazing young man, he was so loved, he had an amazing future ahead of himself,

My daughter was bullied at school and it lead to Cyber bullying. They were relentless. The symptom from that for her was anxiety and her self worth plummeted

There was no signs, no 'typical' suicidal things,no mental health issues, no arguments with people, no note. unfortunately we'll never have the answers we want.

He lived in a different state and sent me a text the morning he did it saying goodbye

The impact of that is something I will never forget, for many days afterwards I slept at night with the lights on.  It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my 50 years of living on this earth.

 I feel incredibly isolated. I’m looking to connect with others who have experienced this kind of loss as I feel very alone with this in spite of the overwhelming support of my own loved ones.

The non-linear journey of grief took me on a on a path of counsellors a home I felt didn't understand. Due to this I am now in my fourth year of my social work degree and am planning to do my master's in counseling.

 I found it really difficult to find any support and understanding of such devastating grief, but soon realised that the best healing is connecting with other suicide bereaved and helping them via peer support. I started “The Ugly Shoes Club” on Facebook and then the “Suicide Bereaved Network NZ”.

I lost my only brother, my first friend, the one that should have been around to help me deal with our mum's death. You know one day your parents wont be here any longer but you expect a sibling to be around a bit longer than 45 years. I miss my brother deeply but can understand his reasons. 

 He was a true comedian and had the biggest heart. Life will never ever be the same. I was 6 months pregnant so didn't allow myself to grieve for the first year or so and now it has been 18 months it's really starting to hit.

I moved out of my house because there were to many memories and we were only there for a short time. It’s hard some days are harder then others but I’ve come to grips with the fact that he is never coming back. I think about his mummy , his daddy and also his brothers I think about his whole family. I hope they’re ok it’s just hard to see them without him.

I miss you everyday son, and I’m still crying on the inside
Trying to move us forward and retain some sense of pride
I feel like i have let you down because of what you have done
But I’m pissed off and angry and I’m not the only one

I’ll never believe he’s in a better place. The best place is here with his family who love and miss him. I’ll never understand why life is so unfair, why bad things happen to good people. I wonder how his life would have turned out. I think of him often and smile. He’ll just pop into my head...but always as the adorable little man with the big glasses and infectious smile.

I wasn't really sure how to interpret the way I felt when he passed. It was sort of a surreal feeling I didn't want to believe it. Sort of wanted to blink my eyes shake my head and realise it was all just my imagination. The grief at first was the biggest hurdle for me to climb. I was really naive to the real and raw kind of emotion that came.

Oh hey everyone this is my NUMBER 1. It’s how Buba introduced me to all of his other peeps.

So...when my life came to a profound feeling of complete numbness, my heart stopped for a second, his...forever.

My world when he left was so awful.

I felt shocked and angry. I was angry for like 5 minutes because we just came back from my cousins 21st birthday in Auckland. But then I just had to be strong for Mum and Dad and everyone.

The days that had followed after the time that Flaun had died were like a whirl of confusion, and like, dis-belief of what had just happened. We went from celebrating a 21st birthday, meeting and spending time with people we loved, to coming home and the next day, we had to arrange a tangi...3 days of many people coming and going, time where we all had to wrap our heads around everything.